Page 1 of AAAAAARRRRGGH

It is raining outside today. 

I love summer and autumn rains to the point that I've danced around in them before. Arms spread, face tilted to the sky as rainfall cooled my skin and wind played in my hair. I'm not even joking. Don't worry, I kept my shoes on.

I dare you to try it. Just don't get struck by lightning. 

The only thing about autumn rain is that it usually brings lower temperatures with it and at the moment I don't have any coats, jackets or boots. Between leaving Alabama and returning to Mississippi, an entire box of my belongings have been playing hide and seek. Those belongings included all of my cold weather clothes.

Yes, even the South has winter. Barely. Sometimes.

What does any of this have to do with writing?

Nothing. Nothing at all.

I just couldn't think of any better way to start this blog post, which is about the trouble with writing first lines. Or rather, the trouble with writing, period.

So, I've officially planned to begin writing my dystopian sci-fi/fantasy novel, tentatively titled "Chaos & Illusion," at the start of 2014 and the plan is to have a first draft complete or halfway complete by December 2014. 

I have been brainstorming and putting together things for this story since my senior year at university, and it has evolved a lot. I feel like it is almost time to begin the story, and the main character is really starting to develop at a rapid pace. 

The problem is, every time I look at a blank page, whether it be writing by hand or on the computer, I go cross-eyed. 

I've written a beginning before, but it is too passive. She's sitting on a roof, looking at the sky, hinting to the reader that there is something not quite normal about the world she inhabits.

And then what?

Well...that's the problem. Nothing is actually happening. No conflict. No other characters. Just navel-gazing.

I'm trying my best not to fall into that trap of passive writing again, and I know that a good opening is never passive. My writing professor at my alma mater once described it as "spoon-feeding" the reader. 

Writing looks so easy when the book is complete, bound, and shipped off with pretty cover art, but it isn't easy at all. I'm betting that most published books have a history behind it that probably involved the author banging their head against a desk at some point. 

Writing a book, be it a short story or book one in a trilogy, is not for the weak. It can be enjoyable, but it also can be daunting, frustrating and filled with emotional turmoil before even a single sentence is written. 

Why can't the scenes in my head become perfect words on the page as soon as I dream them up? 

Why can't I write more than 100 words a time on this project?

Where is this story going?

Are my characters realistic?

Does this suck?

Am I a terrible writer?!

Maybe I'll just go and watch another episode of that show on Netflix.

I should be halfway done with this by now and I'm only on chapter one?!

I should just quit while I'm ahead.

No, I can do this.

Can I do this?

Why is this so haaaaaard?

Why am I doing this to myself?

Because I love it. Because I have a story to tell.

Sometimes my writing sessions are a breeze and I can go on for hours. Sometimes a one-hour session results in only 400 words that made getting a cavity filled seem more inviting.

If you're like me, when you sit down to write, you're battling your ambition, your doubt, your attention span, and life's distractions. 

Here's to hoping I get out of my own way. Because nobody is going to tell this story for me.

What do you mean you don't like to read?

It always blows my mind to hear people say they don’t like to read. 

Maybe they think all reading is similar to how academic reading can feel sometimes. That all fiction books are starchy and 900 pages long. I suppose I can understand that, but I so desperately want to show them the light. 

I truly believe that there is a genre, a style, a book out there for everyone to enjoy. If not traditional novels, then comics or graphic novels. Something! 

It is a form of entertainment that is so different from any other. Reading is important beyond entertainment purposes. Something a former history professor of mine said comes to mind here: "If you don't read, then you can't think." Chew on that one for a moment.

I digress. 

I’m a writer, and I aspire to be a published author one day. 

As soon as I finish this novel, eh?

My interest in reading is what led me to writing, which is something I'm sure every aspiring author or published author would say. 

In many ways, my childhood and circumstances during that time helped me develop a healthy love and passion for reading and all that it stands for. My family was poor. We didn't have luxuries like cable television (only broadcast TV from an antennae). My initial exposure to video games (I adore video games) came from playing them at my cousin's house or on a rented console. I'm pretty sure we didn't have a computer or Internet access until I was in high school. 

Before you pity me, I think this may have been a good thing. It forced me and my sisters to rely on our imaginations to entertain ourselves, which for me developed into creating stories. I distinctly remember illustrating a book series about superheroes. One of them had the ability to shoot dandelion spores from her hands. I was inspired by the 90s anime Sailor Moon, I think.

Funnily enough, the novel I'm working on now is about superheroes, but no one shoots dandelion spores from their hands, I promise.

Our mom helped develop our love for reading. She’d read to us sometimes, we’d participate in the reading programs, and we’d even attempt writing and drawing our own stories . She’d humor us by reading them and asking us about the details of what we wrote.

My favorite thing? Checking out books at the library. A library card is like getting a key to a magical place filled with secrets. When I move to a new area, one of the first things I have to find out is the location of the nearest library and get a card as soon as possible.

There is a feeling of anticipation and wonder that comes before cracking open a book—especially one that you’re really excited about. Sometimes the book lives up to your expectations and sometimes it doesn’t—but either way. It’s a rush.

I love when the words stop being words and become a moving picture in your mind—more than that, you become an active participant in the story. I love how certain characters stick with you forever and certain lines become part of you. I love how even when you forget the title, forget the author, you still remember the essence of that book. Sometimes rereading a favorite childhood story is like seeing an old friend.

I love how two people can read the same material and get a different response. I love the escape that reading provides you. I love the emotional response that fictional entities can create in you. It is a unique, intimate activity.

So yes, I love to read. I get pleasure and joy from it—and it helps me get new ideas and confidence in my own writing. I want to share that joy with others—I guess that’s why I write.

Perhaps it is strange that an unpublished writer is blogging about writing. I'll admit, I’m not an expert on the subject and don’t presume to be. But I've been working at writing for most of my life, and I hope some of my insights help my fellow writers. 

This blog is going to heavily focus on writing my first novel and writing in general, reading, and other creative pursuits.

Stick around. If you like what you see, subscribe to my self-indulgent ramblings.